Facing depression and split pressionalites

http://youtu.be/vqwSpEEWrxA

22 23 months ago when the crisis first happened for the first 6 to 8 months I was under severe interrogation. I was interrogated on a weekly basis by different departments and for the rest of the time I would be in the lawyer’s office giving them a debrief and they would interrogate me a third time.

I was so tired. I was like a walking zombie. I had no concept of morning or night. What day of the week. Some interrogation sessions went on for 16, 17 hours. I would start 8.30 in the morning and end at 3 the next morning. I was so tired. I never thought I would slip into depression. But For 8 months I slumped into a very severe depression.

If anything I am a faith preacher. I am positive. All things are possible. No weapons form against me shall prosper. I am always smiling …. very positive…   

My Son I’m so sorry, You need to go through this alone. But You need to die. And You need to go through this to be the Saviour of the world. And God the Father, heartbroken and He wept, as He turned back His face when His Son took the sin of the whole world. I was saying all this and I am hearing myself behind the pulpit and I froze. I couldn’t utter another word and I sob and I shook because those were my exact sentiments … Father Father … why my God …. my God why have You forsaken me … and threw me to the dogs.

And for the first time in eight months, I heard a voice, it was not the voice of a strict angry judge that only want me to perform and build a big church and nothing I do is ever going to be enough for Him. No, it’s not the voice of an angry judge. It’s not the voice of a slave driver that just want to take and take and wringed me dry.

It was a voice of a tender loving and broken hearted Father. For the first time in eight months … God I heard Him cry … my son Kong thank you…. Thank you for going through this….I need you to go through this alone so that you and City Harvest church can be the man and the ministry I called it to be .. I’m so sorry but you need to go through this by yourself. … to bring a change to your generation.

I hear God saying for the first time in eight months…. I love you, I love you. Waves upon waves of God’s love …. Just saturated me … Abba Abba daddy. I knew everything is going to be alright.

I believe that the tender loving arms of God would surround Pastor Kong Hee and Sun Ho and that He will be with them through the days ahead. May they rise up again and understand that it is not that the "law should take its course" as was preached by mdm Thio but that God's grace should manifest.

The church is not a person, but should be centered in Christ Jesus. As He is, so are we.

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;

I’d rather be His than have riches untold;

I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;

I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand 

Refrain:

Than to be the king of a vast domain,

Or be held in sin’s dread sway;

I’d rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;

I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;

I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;

I’d rather be true to His holy name 

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;

He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;

He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;

I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead 

Extracted from: http://www.psa91.com/kongheeatc3.htm

Captain Phillips

       

          Recently, watched this movie with the cell group

       

The part when Phillips faces evil. He kept his calm and endure throughout the danger. He cared bout the ship his mate family and the pirates but he didn't cared about himself.

       

Yes he defeated evil but he fell to depression just like me I fell into depression of caring having a girlfriend etc..

2nd voice

       

 I kept on evangelism for the past few month, I was so blessed when my mom wants to tag along to church, blessed again when pastor walked towards my mom and say happy birthday blessed again when the Holy Spirit to me to bring my dad along.

   

  

Celebrated mom&min birthday ate this huge pizza hahahah !

So tired~

Awhile back I tot negative xD maybe is the 2nd voice

I miss some of E412 member especially her..

However, I think girlfriend is God's plan, I need not worry 

My testimony

1. My life before I know God

If you did add me on Facebook you will know my username is foreveralone.

Many people will ask how this name came about... This name came about 4 or 5 years back

Yes.. I went into a top school, Nan Chiau High.. Expectation was extremely high for me.. At times I felt really depressed if I could not get into top 20 of the class.

I felt broken and these guys pick me up (refer to pictures below)

For once I felt love and care, and is not about the result and money that I need to earn..

For once I thought that I had my freedom without a sets of rules to follow.

2. How I came about to know Christ?

Long before City Harvest, I was visiting Heart of God Church which Brian lead me to. 

I was really desperate in need of help,

cos guys you know due to my rebellious nature no one wants to get near to me. 

My offence form almost topped sky high man! 

And during this age w/o a girlfriend is such a loser.. 

And my parents were really disappoint at me..

The transition that I goes through brought about to let me know Christ more..

P-S: Thanks you! Brian, kelvin (whom brought me to CHC), Phyllis, Peijia,munjun (sis that I always could share w), Bronson, Gordon, chewy, E412

I respect those who given me support a willing heart to wait for my calling, to mould me into who I am now :)

3. What happened?

I guess let the pictures explains itself.. I guess this are most of the moments that I really love that I really smiled..  

So they cried out again, “Crucify Him!” Then Pilate said to them, “Why, what evil has He done?” But they cried out all the more, “Crucify Him!” (Mark 15:13, 14 NKJV)

I really crucify myself for new body isn't it awesome?

But the route was not easy.. Sometimes I will ask myself qns like why do I need God or why did i surrender to God?

Ya asking is good cos is part of growing :)

I learnt that all I can say I done it willingly, there's no turning back, I happy with Christ, The Holy Spirit overwhelms me :)

I think that's enough answers for my qns.

               

             

4. Future

Frankly speaking I never thought of that far yet, cos there's so much to learn about Christ. 

Maybe yes I gotta a vision that i want to be a leader like Bronson, a fun carefree leader!! So open to the youth and the Gospel. I also wish to see people following me when I turn back! Cos the greatest gift is not about the Christmas present will it be bigger more awesome than last year or the birthday present I'm getting next year, but is about soul being saved soul that cried Jesus!

Argument and sins

I recently knew that argument and dispute is a sin I didn't know about it after I completed my church introductory class..

Having dispute is self-centered meaning u seeking greater authority than the other person, which tells me the character of this person or just me, lack of love lack of Grace.

About sexually sins I don't really know about but I think if He is your Lord follow what He told you to do, you will be okay

http://youtu.be/WGIumjD6I3M

A song that bring forth healing...