Facing depression and split pressionalites

http://youtu.be/vqwSpEEWrxA

22 23 months ago when the crisis first happened for the first 6 to 8 months I was under severe interrogation. I was interrogated on a weekly basis by different departments and for the rest of the time I would be in the lawyer’s office giving them a debrief and they would interrogate me a third time.

I was so tired. I was like a walking zombie. I had no concept of morning or night. What day of the week. Some interrogation sessions went on for 16, 17 hours. I would start 8.30 in the morning and end at 3 the next morning. I was so tired. I never thought I would slip into depression. But For 8 months I slumped into a very severe depression.

If anything I am a faith preacher. I am positive. All things are possible. No weapons form against me shall prosper. I am always smiling …. very positive…   

My Son I’m so sorry, You need to go through this alone. But You need to die. And You need to go through this to be the Saviour of the world. And God the Father, heartbroken and He wept, as He turned back His face when His Son took the sin of the whole world. I was saying all this and I am hearing myself behind the pulpit and I froze. I couldn’t utter another word and I sob and I shook because those were my exact sentiments … Father Father … why my God …. my God why have You forsaken me … and threw me to the dogs.

And for the first time in eight months, I heard a voice, it was not the voice of a strict angry judge that only want me to perform and build a big church and nothing I do is ever going to be enough for Him. No, it’s not the voice of an angry judge. It’s not the voice of a slave driver that just want to take and take and wringed me dry.

It was a voice of a tender loving and broken hearted Father. For the first time in eight months … God I heard Him cry … my son Kong thank you…. Thank you for going through this….I need you to go through this alone so that you and City Harvest church can be the man and the ministry I called it to be .. I’m so sorry but you need to go through this by yourself. … to bring a change to your generation.

I hear God saying for the first time in eight months…. I love you, I love you. Waves upon waves of God’s love …. Just saturated me … Abba Abba daddy. I knew everything is going to be alright.

I believe that the tender loving arms of God would surround Pastor Kong Hee and Sun Ho and that He will be with them through the days ahead. May they rise up again and understand that it is not that the "law should take its course" as was preached by mdm Thio but that God's grace should manifest.

The church is not a person, but should be centered in Christ Jesus. As He is, so are we.

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;

I’d rather be His than have riches untold;

I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;

I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand 

Refrain:

Than to be the king of a vast domain,

Or be held in sin’s dread sway;

I’d rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;

I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;

I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;

I’d rather be true to His holy name 

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;

He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;

He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;

I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead 

Extracted from: http://www.psa91.com/kongheeatc3.htm

Captain Phillips

       

          Recently, watched this movie with the cell group

       

The part when Phillips faces evil. He kept his calm and endure throughout the danger. He cared bout the ship his mate family and the pirates but he didn't cared about himself.

       

Yes he defeated evil but he fell to depression just like me I fell into depression of caring having a girlfriend etc..

2nd voice

       

 I kept on evangelism for the past few month, I was so blessed when my mom wants to tag along to church, blessed again when pastor walked towards my mom and say happy birthday blessed again when the Holy Spirit to me to bring my dad along.

   

  

Celebrated mom&min birthday ate this huge pizza hahahah !

So tired~

Awhile back I tot negative xD maybe is the 2nd voice

I miss some of E412 member especially her..

However, I think girlfriend is God's plan, I need not worry 

My testimony

1. My life before I know God

If you did add me on Facebook you will know my username is foreveralone.

Many people will ask how this name came about... This name came about 4 or 5 years back

Yes.. I went into a top school, Nan Chiau High.. Expectation was extremely high for me.. At times I felt really depressed if I could not get into top 20 of the class.

I felt broken and these guys pick me up (refer to pictures below)

For once I felt love and care, and is not about the result and money that I need to earn..

For once I thought that I had my freedom without a sets of rules to follow.

2. How I came about to know Christ?

Long before City Harvest, I was visiting Heart of God Church which Brian lead me to. 

I was really desperate in need of help,

cos guys you know due to my rebellious nature no one wants to get near to me. 

My offence form almost topped sky high man! 

And during this age w/o a girlfriend is such a loser.. 

And my parents were really disappoint at me..

The transition that I goes through brought about to let me know Christ more..

P-S: Thanks you! Brian, kelvin (whom brought me to CHC), Phyllis, Peijia,munjun (sis that I always could share w), Bronson, Gordon, chewy, E412

I respect those who given me support a willing heart to wait for my calling, to mould me into who I am now :)

3. What happened?

I guess let the pictures explains itself.. I guess this are most of the moments that I really love that I really smiled..  

So they cried out again, “Crucify Him!” Then Pilate said to them, “Why, what evil has He done?” But they cried out all the more, “Crucify Him!” (Mark 15:13, 14 NKJV)

I really crucify myself for new body isn't it awesome?

But the route was not easy.. Sometimes I will ask myself qns like why do I need God or why did i surrender to God?

Ya asking is good cos is part of growing :)

I learnt that all I can say I done it willingly, there's no turning back, I happy with Christ, The Holy Spirit overwhelms me :)

I think that's enough answers for my qns.

               

             

4. Future

Frankly speaking I never thought of that far yet, cos there's so much to learn about Christ. 

Maybe yes I gotta a vision that i want to be a leader like Bronson, a fun carefree leader!! So open to the youth and the Gospel. I also wish to see people following me when I turn back! Cos the greatest gift is not about the Christmas present will it be bigger more awesome than last year or the birthday present I'm getting next year, but is about soul being saved soul that cried Jesus!

Argument and sins

I recently knew that argument and dispute is a sin I didn't know about it after I completed my church introductory class..

Having dispute is self-centered meaning u seeking greater authority than the other person, which tells me the character of this person or just me, lack of love lack of Grace.

About sexually sins I don't really know about but I think if He is your Lord follow what He told you to do, you will be okay

http://youtu.be/WGIumjD6I3M

A song that bring forth healing...

Poetry & potluck

       

Poetry & potluck

First and ever time that I experience cell group meeting outdoor it was so much fun lor.

If I did rmb clearly what I shared yesterday.. I going to tell you now :)

We slashed we kill,

Sometimes our rebellious nature goes over.

For a beng like me to accept Christ was never easy.

However, I learnt that to understand is to stand under the word of God

That is when i know who my savior really was

Friendship is like ham and cheese 

Water and oil which could never be separated

True friends goes throughout the season with you 

I am really thanksful that God brought so much friends 

So much colour into my life 

                                         Longsterr

I am looking forward to many cell group like this..

The awesomess that I couldn't explain unless you join us W526

                      

                                

Purity

There are many sermons abt this, I try summarie what I think and an argument that I had. 

Purity is to walk a sinless life like Christ.

We shouldn't worry if we couldn't be perfect cos Ood's mercy, grace and love is still there for us. Everything you do is ok with God unless you goes against His words.

To understand is to stand under his words.

Cos He renewes mind and the words rebukes the devil.

Then the devil left Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him. (Matthew 4:11 NKJV)

The heart of man is weak 

The devil will tries to disconnect us from God

Go according your desire and listen to the response of Jesus.

Live by connection 

By hearing the word of God

By taking heat according to God words and preserve 

There's nothing the devil could do if live on God words 

Obey God.

II. Man's Relationship with God

A. Direct. The Lord is the ultimate authority over each and every person's life—even those who refuse to acknowledge His sovereignty.

B. Distinct. If you have trusted in Jesus' death on the cross to pay for your sin-debt, you've become one of God's children and have a unique relationship with Him.

C. Distant. Sometimes God's children allow their relationship with Him to suffer. They may attend church, but might not read their Bibles faithfully or know how to relate to the Lord in prayer. As a result, they excuse sin in their lives and don't have a sense of oneness with Him.

D. Developing. Some believers passionately pursue relationship with the Father on a continual, daily basis—regardless of life's circumstances.

III. Requirements for an Intimate Relationship with God

A. A Spiritual Focus. For most people, the word "intimacy" is associated primarily with sexuality. But genuine fellowship with God involves relating to Him on an emotional and spiritual level rather than a physical one.

B. Personal Involvement. The Lord created humans in His image so that all people could relate to Him on an individual basis. The Holy Spirit lives within every believer, giving each one the ability to develop a personal friendship with Christ.

C. Trust. Intimacy cannot exist without trust. If you and I refuse to surrender to and obey God, we can't expect to have an intimate relationship with Him.

D. Love. Oneness with God must be motivated out of love, not duty. Remember that God forgave you on the basis of Christ's death on the cross. You don't have to earn His affection. Let that fact motivate you to freely and genuinely devote yourself to knowing Him better.

E. Openness and Transparency. Confess specific sins and shortcomings to the Lord. Be honest with Him, and intimacy will grow.

F. Two-way Communication. Ask the Father to show you how to hear His guidance for your life, and set aside time to listen to Him.

G. Time and Effort. You must devote yourself to knowing the Lord if you want to experience the fullness of friendship with Him.

IV. Benefits of Intimacy with the Father

A. Stability. In the midst of life's storms, a solid relationship with God is your anchor.

B. Security. You can have the assurance that He is always with you, ready to help in any situation or circumstance.

C. Serenity. Intimacy gives you quietness and peace in your spirit, no matter what happens. You can trust that the Lord will guide you through difficulty.

D. Sensitivity. God will give you greater spiritual understanding and increased awareness to the needs of others. .

V. Barriers to Intimacy

A. Pride. Some put their trust in themselves and pursue relationships, accomplishments, or possessions instead of a relationship with the Father.

B. Rebellion. When we deliberately disobey the Lord, we cannot have intimacy with Him.

C. Hurry. Some people never find intimacy with God because they are always impatient.

VI. Conclusion: I pray your relationship with God is characterized by unity, surrender, and joy. But if you aren't experiencing intimacy with the Lord, He desires to reveal Himself in a personal way to you. Let go of pride, confess your sin and rebellion, and devote yourself to a relationship with Him. David wrote, "In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever" (Ps. 16:11). Only God can satisfy the deepest longings of your heart. Take time to discover the awesome depth of the Father's love through an intimate relationship with Him.

        

Source: http://www.intouch.org/you/sermon-outlines/content?topic=our_intimacy_with_god_sermon_outline

City harvest photographers 

A story bout construction workers

        

Our cgl told us to do our 2mins blessings to others. Actually I done my 2mins a lot of times. The most memorable is to the construction workers. 

He shall build a house for My name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. (II Samuel 7:13 NKJV)

Though is a tough week for me I still believe and keep my trust to God because His my savior. I'm imperfect but I will keep my faith in Him alive cos I know I know that one day He will mould me into gold.

                                              

Family, Grace, AFA2013

Your Grace is enough 

That day I was really struggelling with grace, should I attend CIC or go to celebrate Phyllis's birthday? I think this song really answered my calling telling me that my grace is sufficient to everyone.. Well I now and always choose God for my answer cos this verse always came in mind. "But seek you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Actually ya wow God always have the right choice for me. Bible study by Pastor was awesome, her pratical way of teaching never fails to make me smile :) 

I really learned a lot.. cell group is.a family and not just a group, we are always welcomed back to cell group no matter how far we backslide or having dispute with the members or leaders, 

After that I went to AFA 2013 

YOU CAN ALWAYS STEAL MY PHOTO BUT NOT MY EXPERIENCE